Good listener / Bad listener
Listening well is difficult.
This is a list of characteristics of the Good listener and the Bad listener.
Good listeners aim to understand. Bad listeners focus on what to say next.
Good listeners know that if they truly understand the other person it is easy to say something useful. Bad listeners worry that what they will say next is smart and spend their time planning instead of listening.
Good listeners focus on what the other person means. Bad listeners focus on what the other person says.
Good listeners ask to “clarify” or “elaborate”. Bad listeners say they understand when they don’t.
Good listeners test their understanding by summarising or highlighting what they understood. Bad listeners change the subject without acknowledging what the other person said.
Good listeners ask questions. Bad listeners don’t.
Good listeners focus on learning. Bad listeners focus on showing how smart they are.
Good listeners focus on exploring what they don’t know. Bad listeners focus on talking about what they know.
Good listeners give the other person undivided attention. Bad listeners look the other way or check their phone.
Good listeners know that any person can teach them something and it’s their own job to figure out what. Bad listeners think that because they know more about a topic they have nothing more to learn.
Good listeners know that communication is difficult. Bad listeners jump to conclusion.
Good listeners realise ideas that first sound bad might just be underdeveloped and so help the speaker develop their idea. Bad listeners judge a book by its cover.
Good listeners help the speaker create clarity. Bad listeners make the speaker more confused.
Good listeners recognize listening as a skill. Bad listeners mistake listening for ‘waiting to speak’.
Good listeners are patient. Bad listeners interrupt.
Good listeners focus on the goal of the conversation and drive it forward even if it gets heated. Bad listeners are defensive and take things personal.
Good listeners sense when to take a break in a discussion that no longer moves forward. Bad listeners keep hammering at the other person with the same arguments.
Good listeners make others feel comfortable via open body language, smiling and eye contact. Bad listeners make others uncomfortable by only communicating in words.
PS: thanks to the OG Ben Horowitz for the Good x / Bad x format. If you haven’t read his Good PM / Bad PM about product management, you should ;)
